


Fantastic Marvel Jokes

by SmartCoffee



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:41:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29850666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmartCoffee/pseuds/SmartCoffee
Summary: These are jokes I wrote about characters in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s a very quick read.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

What’s Thanos’s favorite slang phrase?  
Aw, snap. 

What has two eyes and controls both SHIELD and Asgard?  
Nick Fury and Odin. 

Have you ever noticed that Black Panther is black, Silver Surfer is silver, Scarlet Witch has scarlet hair but Black Widow isn’t black?

Captain America was told that Thor was a god and he replied that there was only one god and he didn’t dress like that. But then how does God dress?


	2. Chapter 2

Why did Wanda build a fake town in New Jersey?  
Everything’s legal in New Jersey.

Spiderman: I can’t wait to meet Hawk Guy. Hawk Guy is the man.  
Black Widow: Hold on, are you saying Hawk Guy or Hawkeye?  
Spiderman: Uhh, Hawk-eye like an eye you see with.   
Black Widow: Warm Machine’s gonna laugh his head off at this!

Thor: Ah brothers. It’s so hard to have a brother that doesn’t agree with you. Don’t you agree, Wanda?  
Wanda: My brother is dead.   
Thor: Well, you’re just a little ray of sunshine.


	3. Chapter 3

Scott Lang: Carol, as a little girl, what was your dad like?  
Carol Danvers: My dad was never a little girl.

One night Thor, Rocket, and Gamora all went to a crowded bar with no place to sit. They all placed their orders.  
While Thor was waiting, a security guard came up to him to say, “Sir, you’re blocking a fire exit.”  
Thor replied, “If there’s a fire, I’ll leave.”

Tony Stark: Peter, this is very important. I’ve embedded the Mind Stone in a ring and I need you to wear it for the next day. You can’t lose it.  
Peter: Gee, I don’t know, Mr. Stark.  
TS: Peter, I know this is a lot of responsibility but you’ve proven to be dependable.  
Peter: It’s not that. It’s…  
TS:(looking down at Peter’s hand) Oh, for God’s sake, Peter, it does not make you look gay.  
Peter: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.


	4. Chapter 4

Tony: Pepper, I'm concerned about our baby, specifically about his or her genes.  
Pepper: Why? Is it because you're an alcoholic?  
Tony: What? No! It's because you're a ginger.

JARVIS: There is a message here for Mr. Rogers.  
Steve Rogers: Thank you, you can replay it for me after dinner.  
Peter Quill (laughing): I forgot. You're Mr. Rogers. How's the neighborhood?  
Steve Rogers: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Melinda May: Do you really think we can trust Daisy? She's a hacker.  
Phil Coulson: I vetted her carefully. She won't turn on us. Besides there are good hackers.  
May: Like who?  
Coulson: Edward Snowden, Matthew Broderick  
May: Matthew Broderick? Wait, he's not a hacker. That was a movie.  
Coulson: Maybe this is all a movie.


	5. Chapter 5

Daredevil: Everyone thinks I became a lawyer just to make a lot of money. And it’s not true. What I wanted was to commit crimes without getting caught. 

Falcon: One of the amazing things about history is that minorities fought for the U.S. much earlier than some people realize. There were black pilots in World War 2 and female spies in the Civil War. Way back in 1620, some brown-skinned people tried to defend America from invaders.

Bruce Banner: What if you woke up one day and gravity was reversed so that everything on your floor shifted to your ceiling? Now that’s pretty crazy but imagine describing earthquakes on a planet that didn’t have them.


End file.
